It is vitally important that you approach your building of this partner profile without a hint of judgmental attitude. You may not view your partner as mysterious and complex, but I can assure you that that is exactly what he or she is.

Your biggest area of danger lies in your fixed beliefs. Your view of your partner has developed as a result of the experiences and interactions you've had thus far in your relationship. Some of these beliefs may be entirely accurate, while some of them may be the product of the distortion that comes with emotionality, conflict and pain.

The second serious danger lies in making too many assumptions about what your partner thinks, feels and intends in this relationship in particular and life in general. Make sure you've got the data to support your conclusions about what your partner's wants, needs, fears and point of pride are.

Make this challenge a high priority. You're going to make consistent, action oriented efforts to get the job done.

The best relationships involve a thorough understanding of the other person so that the relationship can be meaningful. In intimate relationships the currency is defined by feelings and experiences. In intimate relationships, you reward your partner with feelings of love, acceptance, belonging and security. You cannot give your partner what they need if you don't understand what they need.

You may feel as though you know your partner quite will, - maybe too well. But I suspect that you were surprised by some of the discoveries you made about yourself earlier in this chapter.

I think you're going to be very surprised by some of the discoveries you're about to make about your partner. You'll probably be surprised at what you didn't know about him or her.

Take the following true/false quiz and let it be an honest appraisal of how well you know your partner as of right now.  (Click here for the Partner Awareness Quiz).

The Partner Profile that you're about to construct is based on these fundamental truths about relationships:

• You cannot meet your partner's needs if you don't know what they are.
• You cannot know what your partner's needs are if you don't know your partner.

On of the primary goals of the profile is to help you determine which things you genuinely know about your partner, as opposed to those things that are fixed beliefs: hardened assumptions you've formed about your partner over the course of the relationship that are wrong or outdated. Let the profiles serve as an opportunity to refocus on what make your partner a unique individual.

Changing the way you consider another person can result in profound changes in your behavior and reactions toward him or her. When you challenge your own fixed beliefs about your partner, and replace them with new and fresh knowledge, you can close the distance between you.