This is antithetical to criticism, competitiveness, self-righteousness, and aggression, but it is a bad spirit all the same. Here, you become so passive that you get nestled in a "comfort zone" where the name of your game is to play it safe, not to reach, and maintain the status quo. You don't challenge yourself, you don't strive for any kind of excellence. You become inert. You get accustomed to where you are. You get used to a style of living, to a pattern with your partner that you decide is not really what you want, not very satisfying or challenging, but is okay.
A comfort zone is not what you want out of a relationship. You know you are just skimming the surface in your relationship. You know your days are dull and your minds are bored and restless. But you decide it's better for yourself if you don't reach for more. Instead of thinking, "nothing ventured, nothing gained," you say, "Nothing ventured, nothing lost." You might try to look in command, with an array of material comforts and successes, perhaps even with fame and power, but on the inside you are cheating your partner and yourself.
The problem here is that there are no sure deals and that means a bad four-letter word, risk. In the back of your mind there is the idea that you might not be able to change as much as you'd like. What if you admit that you want and need more, and then you are unable to get it?
Trust me, I understand how, for so many of you, simply admitting that your relationship is not all that you want it to be is threatening. Saying that what you have is not enough is a genuine risk. It's definitely safer if you never admit that there is something else out there that you want.
Yes, your comfort zone might feel safe, but it is filled with compromise. If you're in a comfort zone, you are failing to meet your responsibilities in the relationship. You aren't contributing, you aren't stimulating, you're not energizing, you're simply not carrying your end of the deal. In all likelihood, your partner is trying to drag you along. Yet you remain lulled by complacency. You depend on the drab predictability of your life. You get in a daily rut of going to work, coming home, eating a fast dinner, and then heading to your remote control, or your book. Whatever it is for you, you have a ore intimate relationship with that than with your partner. You certainly caress it more than you do your mate. If you're in your comfort zone, you can be certain that you've lost touch with your core of consciousness. You've stopped relying on your best instincts, values, talents and wisdom.
Here are some other typical feelings and behaviors of the inert spirit:
To break the inert spirit, you must break through denial, stop justifying your own passivity, and stop avoiding the challenge of change. It requires some courage and commitment---but as you'll soon see, it is not that difficult to step away once and for all from a life of dull complacency.
