[CHAPTER 2]
Now that you have learned some more about yourself, let's take an overall look at your relationship. The following is a broad questionnaire, a true/false test that includes items relevant to the health of you and your relationship. Again, be honest and go with your first reaction. Do not spend an excessive amount of time debating any one item.
Circle either True or False for each
item.
| 1 | I am satisfied with my sex life. | True | False |
| 2 | My partner doesn't really listen to me. | True | False |
| 3 | I trust my partner. | True | False |
| 4 | I feel picked on and put down. | True | False |
| 5 | I am hopeful about our future. | True | False |
| 6 | It is not easy to share my feelings. | True | False |
| 7 | My partner often says, "I love you." | True | False |
| 8 | Sometimes I feel rage. | True | False |
| 9 | I feel appreciated. | True | False |
| 10 | I am out of control. | True | False |
| 11 | My partner is there for me in hard times. | True | False |
| 12 | My partner is harsh in his or her criticism. | True | False |
| 13 | My partner understands me. | True | False |
| 14 | I fear my partner is bored. | True | False |
| 15 | My partner doesn't like to share what's on his/her mind. | True | False |
| 16 | I imagine myself divorced. | True | False |
| 17 | My relationship is what I always dreamed of. | True | False |
| 18 | I know I am right. | True | False |
| 19 | My partner treats me with dignity and respect. | True | False |
| 20 | My partner is a taker. | True | False |
| 21 | We often do fun things together. | True | False |
| 22 | Sometimes I just want to hurt my partner. | True | False |
| 23 | I feel loved. | True | False |
| 24 | I would rather lie than deal with a problem. | True | False |
| 25 | We still have a lot of passion in our relationship. | True | False |
| 26 | I am trapped with no escape. | True | False |
| 27 | My partner thinks I am fun to be with. | True | False |
| 28 | Our relationship has gotten boring. | True | False |
| 29 | We enjoy going out on dates alone. | True | False |
| 30 | My partner is ashamed of me. | True | False |
| 31 | We trust each other a great deal. | True | False |
| 32 | We have become nothing more than roommates. | True | False |
| 33 | I know my partner will never leave me. | True | False |
| 34 | I am no longer proud of my body. | True | False |
| 35 | My partner respects me. | True | False |
| 36 | My partner constantly compares me to others. | True | False |
| 37 | My partner still finds me desirable. | True | False |
| 38 | We just seem to want different things. | True | False |
| 39 | I am allowed to think for myself. | True | False |
| 40 | I feel crowded by my partner. | True | False |
| 41 | I am honest with my partner. | True | False |
| 42 | People have no idea what our relationship is really like. | True | False |
| 43 | My partner is open to suggestions. | True | False |
| 44 | My partner has shut me out. | True | False |
| 45 | My partner is my primary source of emotional support. | True | False |
| 46 | I feel judged and rejected by my partner. | True | False |
| 47 | My partner cares if I am upset or sad. | True | False |
| 48 | My partner treats me like a child. | True | False |
| 49 | My partner puts our relationship ahead of all others. | True | False |
| 50 | I'll never satisfy my partner. | True | False |
| 51 | My partner wants to hear my stories. | True | False |
| 52 | I chose my partner for the wrong reasons. | True | False |
| 53 | I look forward to our time together. | True | False |
| 54 | My partner thinks I am boring in bed. | True | False |
| 55 | My partner is lucky to have me. | True | False |
| 56 | My partner treats me like an employee. | True | False |
| 57 | I win my share of disputes. | True | False |
| 58 | I envy my friends' relationships. | True | False |
| 59 | My partner would protect me if necessary. | True | False |
| 60 | I am suspicious of my partner. | True | False |
| 61 | I feel needed by my partner. | True | False |
| 62 | My partner is jealous of me. | True | False |
Now go back over your test and count all of the even-numbered questions to which you answered "True". Write down the total. Now go back and count all the odd-numbered items to which you answered "False". Add that number to your "True total" to get your overall score.
Even-numbered "True" responses _________
Odd-numbered "False" responses _________
OVERALL TOTAL _________
This test is designed to give you a quick snapshot of the health of your relationship. If your overall score is above 32, it is likely that your relationship is in extreme danger of failing. If your total score is between 20 and 32, then your relationship is seriously troubled and you may be living an "emotional divorce." If your total score is between 12 and 19, then your relationship is probably about average (which is not great) and certainly needs work. If your score is below 11, then your relationship is well above the norm and may have isolated areas in which you can improve.