[CHAPTER 2]
What type of communication pattern
have you and your partner developed within your relationship? Take
this quick true-false test designed to get you to understand better the
ways you relate, or don't relate, to your partner. These question
will also help you realize how comfortable you feel with your partner -
the person who is supposed to be the most significant and trusted person
in your life. Again, this is for your eyes only. Circle "True"
for all of the statements that express at least occasional problems on
your part.
| 1. | I often can't seem to find the right words to express what I want to say | True | False |
| 2. | I worry that exposing myself to my partner will result in rejection. | True | False |
| 3. | I often don't talk because I'm afraid my opinion is wrong. | True | False |
| 4. | Speaking up will only make things worse. | True | False |
| 5. | I talk too much and don't give my partner a chance to speak. | True | False |
| 6. | I don't look forward to talking to my partner. | True | False |
| 7. | Once I get started in an argument, I have trouble stopping. | True | False |
| 8. | My speech is often defensive. | True | False |
| 9. | I frequently bring up his or her past failures. | True | False |
| 10. | My actions don't match what I say. | True | False |
| 11. | I don't really listen. | True | False |
| 12. | I try to repay anger with anger or insult with insult. | True | False |
| 13. | I tease my mate too much. | True | False |
| 14. | I talk about really important things too rarely. | True | False |
| 15. | I often lie by omission. | True | False |
| 16. | I hate it when my partner brings up a problem. | True | False |
| 17. | I think it's important to lay out to my partner all of the complaints I have about him or her. | True | False |
| 18. | I state my complaints in a heated manner. | True | False |
| 19. | I tend to say, "You always" or "You never," when discussing my complaints with my partner | True | False |
| 20. | I rarely state my complaints to keep from hurting my spouse. | True | False |
| 21. | I don't like to argue because I feel arguing reflects badly on the relationship. | True | False |
| 22. | I don't like to discuss our negative feelings because it only makes us feel worse. | True | False |
| 23. | I don't feel I should have to bring up what's bothering me because my partner should already know. | True | False |
There is no right or wrong number of true or false answers to this test. You should look over your responses to get a feel for where communication problems or perceptions exist. This will help you answer the next series of questions and assist you in formulating a reconnection stately in a later chapter.