Most of us are alone at some time or another . . . even in a marriage, in a courting relationship, or when we are single. Alone with deep seated personal issues, alone with our individual thoughts that cannot be communicated to anyone, and alone in our quest to find true meaning with God. Somehow, there are just some things that we can't share with even the closest friend or marriage partner. Being alone can either "make" or "break" us. In my experience, being alone has been one of the most difficult trials to face. I have always built my life around relationships, socializing and good friendships. Now, having to face starting life in a new country, and another failed relationship, loneliness has been something I have had to deal with in an urgent and desperate way. How do we deal with it in a way that will "make" us.
 

What I have come to learn, is that when we rely on romantic relationships, in some cases marriage relationships, and even general relationships for our happiness, we tend to miss out on the deeper and richer ingredients that feed the people we have those relationships with. (See picture above). In other words, if we depend on the relationships for our happiness, we tend to "take" more from the relationship than "give" to it. My times alone have taught me to depend on God for my happiness and inner contentment. I believe personally, that once we have reached the point where we can be totally content with God alone, God will supply all our needs for relationships. As Paul says in Philippians 4:12, 19, "I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want . . . my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." In this unique position with God, we will then be continuous "givers" to the people with whom we have relationships. What a difference.

(God wants us to find happiness alone with Him first, before we look to relationships, interests, academic pursuits, our jobs, or individual accomplishments for our happiness)

Please let me share a few points with you that changed being lonely, to being alone with God - an honor that many great bible heroes were blessed with, and that made them the beacons of truth and inspiration that we know them for. Moses had to spend 40 years alone in the desert before he could lead Israel . . . Joseph was alone in a foreign country as a slave and then imprisoned . . . David was alone in the pastures tending sheep . . . John the Baptist was alone in the wilderness . . . Jesus spent 40 days and 40 nights alone in the wilderness before His ministry . . . Paul was alone in Arabia before his ministry . . . John the Revelator was alone on the isle of Patmos. The following points came to me in my times alone, and in hurt and heartache:

1. The War to Control Our Thoughts
The worst part about being alone is having to deal with our thoughts and memories. When there is no one to talk to, and the silence around us is filled by our thoughts, what do we think about? Thoughts like, "why am I alone," or "I've been treated unfairly," or "I wish I had someone special to be with me," or "how do I get out of this situation I'm in?" keep racing round and round our restless minds. While being alone, I have come to realize that our thoughts are under a constant attack by the forces of evil. If you haven't already read the works of Roger Morneau, please go get a copy of "Incredible Answers to Prayer," from your local Adventist Book Center. He says that, "A satanist priest bragged to me how Satan had forced the Creator to leave the devil's newly acquired domain. The man said that Satan declared that such a demand was his legal right before the universe, and that the devil had gotten his wish.

"At that time," the priest said, "the master (Satan) stated that he and his angels would make themselves invisible to human beings also, thus leaving people free to live their lives as they wanted to. He emphatically argued that the only fair way for supernatural forces to influence human conduct should be by flashing thought images into individual minds."

(Satan is constantly flashing negative, and discouraging, thoughts into our minds. These thoughts are more severe when we are alone. There needs to be a focused awareness to counteract his attacks - See picture below).

Yes, there is a war between the forces of Good and Evil for the control of our thoughts. Being alone makes us an easy target for Satan to hit us with happy memories from the past, to hit us with hurtful thoughts from the past, to hit us with angry thoughts because of our loneliness, and to hit us with thoughts of low self esteem for not attracting people toward ourselves. He hits each person with destructive thoughts uniquely tailored according to the specific experiences in their lives that will haunt and terrorize them to the point of total despair. Again Paul steps in to clarify this war for the control of our thoughts in 2 Corinthians 10:3-5, "For though we live in this world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they (our weapons) have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

Here is the key. Being aware that God and Satan do their work in controlling our lives, through controlling our thoughts. What is more powerful than our thoughts? Every action or decision is born and raised in our thoughts. Think about it. So, if every thought that comes into our minds is arrested, cuffed, taken captive, and made obedient to Christ, God will be in control of our lives, and give us the comfort, confidence and composure to face being alone. Remember that the thoughts we think aren't necessarily "our" thoughts. They are put there by Satan. And even if they are "our" thoughts, they too can turn against us and pull us down. Our thoughts must be God's thoughts. We need a constant flow of God's positive and powerful thoughts crowding out our personal thoughts and the thoughts Satan plants into our minds. [Click here for the detailed article - "The War for Control of Your Thoughts."]
 

2. Turning Self Awareness into God Awareness
Being alone tends to draw our focus onto ourselves. A continual focus onto ourselves causes a slow downward spiral in our confidence and composure. Oswald Chambers in his inspirational devotional, My Utmost For His Highest, August 20, talks about turning self awareness into Christ awareness. He says, "Whenever anything begins to disintegrate your life with Jesus Christ, turn to Him at once, asking Him to re-establish your rest. Never allow anything to remain in your life that is causing the unrest. Think of every detail of your life that is causing the disintegration as something to fight against, not as something you should allow to remain. Ask the Lord to put awareness of Himself in you, and your self-awareness will disappear. Then He will be your all in all. Beware of allowing your self-awareness to continue, because slowly but surely it will awaken self-pity, and self-pity is satanic. Don't allow yourself to say, "Well, they have just misunderstood me, and this is something over which they should be apologizing to me; I'm sure I must have this cleared up with them already." Learn to leave others alone. Simply ask the Lord to give you Christ-awareness, and He will steady you until your completeness in Him is absolute."

What really helped me to change my self awareness into Christ awareness is to acknowledge every single thing around me as a gift of God . . . either a created gift, like the birds, the trees, the plants and animals, or an unseen gift like man abilities, friendships, health, and even my loneliness. When I involved God in everything I did, I couldn't help becoming more and more Christ aware and "Christ appreciative" as I saw Him in and around me in everything. I then turned to the universe to get my thoughts stretching even further . . . wow, I opened the encyclopedia and leant that our galaxy alone is 100,000 light years long and 30,000 light years wide. [See picture above] (One light year is the distance light would travel in one year at the speed of light, which is 186,000 miles per second). My Christ awareness really took on a new meaning when I asked the Holy Spirit to command my thoughts away from myself to the endless and the limitless dimensions surrounding the Great Creator and Controller of the universe. If the Great Creator and Controller of the universe can control the countless galaxies, can't he control my seemingly complicated life and give me the caring, the comfort, and the companionship I need to enjoy my life to its fullest. [Click here for the detailed article - "If He Created All---He Controls All."]
 

3. Building Our Lives Around God
In my life so far, I have learnt that we can't build our lives around anything or anyone for lasting happiness. Nothing lasts. Whatever we build our lives around to find happiness, can disappear at any given point. Our jobs, our families, our health, our interests and hobbies, or whatever it is that gives us happiness and satisfaction, can crumble and fall apart at any time. How is it that we build our lives around things like this? I lost my father through a tragic accident at the age of 4 years. My mother, only about 29 at the time, had her whole life come apart in a matter of hours. I have had friends that have lost their jobs due to companies closing, I personally have had a relationship that I thought would end in marriage, fall apart on me months before we were due to be married. As humans we migrate toward the comfort zone of having many activities, people and things around us for our happiness. God's heart aches. God created you and me to be in a intimate, romantic relationship with Him, where He would be the central focus and quest of each of our lives. All God wants from us is to "know" Him. The word "know" in the Bible is the same word used for the beautiful act of love making between a man and a woman. (See picture below). Jesus said in John 17:3, "Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent." It is that simple.

How do you get to know a person? I've had a lot of fun on the Shining Star Singles Site . . . I have met quite a few people there. From being total strangers, we have become pretty good friends. As we e-mailed back and forth, we slowly got to know each other and what it is that makes each of us tick. How do you get to know a person? There is only one way. Spending time together. The people I have spent the most time with, I got to know the best. It is obvious . . . but why is it not so obvious with God? Where do you spend most of your time every day? How much time do you spend with God every day? I mean quality, focused, uninterrupted time, alone with Him? Most of us have grown up with the concept that attending church is enough to get to know God . . . maybe attending prayer meeting or home cell meetings as well, if we are still very new to Christianity. On the Shining Star Singles Site, I've had a few people e-mail me, asking me to e-mail them back in order for us to get to know each other . . . well, I returned the e-mail, but never heard from them again. As a result, we never got to know each other, because we never spent the time to do so.
 

The Vine and The Branches
Please turn to John chapter 15 and read verses 1-8. What does it say to you about spending time with God? Let me paraphrase this section for you by personally applying the analogy that Jesus uses to the routine of our everyday lives:

(v1) I, Jesus Christ, am the source of all truth, of all knowledge, and all holiness, and my Father is the guardian and overseer. (v2) My Father cuts off every person from me that doesn't constantly spend time alone with me and draw from these awesome qualities in me. While every person that does draw from these qualities, my Father allows to experience trials and loneliness so that they will draw more and more from me, by realizing their ever increasing need, and become more and more like me as a result. (v3) You (the disciples - and those who have found this truth), have already become like me because of the word I have spoken to you. (v4) If you constantly, (or daily), spend time alone with me, I will constantly spend time alone with you. You cannot be like me by yourself, you must constantly spend time alone with me. (v5) I am the source of all truth, of all knowledge, and all holiness, and you are my students. If you come and constantly spend time alone with me, you will become like me. Without this, you cannot do anything to be like me. Rather don't try and change yourselves. It won't work. There is nothing you can do to try and be a better person, or to find true be a happiness and be fulfilled without constantly spending time alone with me. (v6) If you don't constantly spend time alone with me, you will always have an empty void in your heart, you will become legalistic and struggle to be a better person, and Satan will come in and control your thoughts, and you will be as good as dead when it comes to spiritual matters. (v7) If you constantly spend time alone with me, in quiet meditation, study of my Word, and prayer, in the beginning of every day, you will not just know my will, you will BE my will. Then you will ask anything you wish, as my will, and I will do it for you, because instead of looking for answers in prayer, you will just look for me. (v8). This will glorify my Father, when you constantly draw truth, knowledge and holiness from me, so that you eventually have my mind in you, and Satan can no longer put his thoughts into your minds. You will then do all the things that I do.

Ellen White, in her awesome book "The Desire of Ages," summarizes this portion of John 15 on pages, 675-677 in the chapter, Let Not Your Heart Be Troubled:

"The connection of the branch with the vine, He said, represents the relation you are to sustain to Me. The section, (small branch), is engrafted into the living vine, and fiber by fiber, vein by vein, it grows into the vine stock. The life of the vine becomes the life of the branch. So the soul dead in trespasses and sins receives life through connection with Christ. By faith in Him as a personal Savior the union is formed. The sinner unites his weakness to Christ's strength, his emptiness to Christ's fullness, his frailty to Christ's enduring might. Then he has the mind of Christ. The humanity of Christ has touched our humanity, and our humanity has touched divinity. Thus through the agency of the Holy Spirit man becomes a partaker of the divine nature.

This union with Christ, once formed, must be maintained. Christ said, "Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye bear fruit, except ye abide in Me." This is no casual touch, no off-and-on connection. The branch becomes a part of the living vine. The communication of life, strength, and fruitfulness from the root to the branches is unobstructed and constant. Separated from the vine, the branch cannot live. No more, said Jesus, can you live apart from Me. The life you have received from Me can be preserved only by continual communion. Without Me you cannot overcome one sin or resist one temptation.

"Abide in Me, and I in you." Abiding in Christ means a constant receiving of His Spirit, a life of unreserved surrender to His service. The channel of communication must be open continually between man and his God. As the vine branch constantly draws the sap from the living vine, so we are to cling to Jesus, and receive from Him by faith the strength and perfection of His own character.

The root sends its nourishment through the branch to the outermost twig. So Christ communicates the current of spiritual strength to every believer. So long as the soul is united to Christ, there is no danger that it will wither or decay . . . When we live by faith on the Son of God, the fruits of the Spirit will be seen in our life; not one will be missing.

My Father is the husbandman . . . Jesus with solemn tenderness explained the purpose of the husbandman. The pruning will cause pain, but it is the Father who applies the knife. He works with no wanton hand or indifferent heart. There are branches trailing upon the ground; these must be cut loose from the earthly supports to which their tendrils are fastening. They are to reach heavenward, and find their support in God. The excessive foliage that draws away the life current from the fruit must be pruned off. The overgrowth must be cut out, to give room for the healing beams of the Sun of Righteousness. The husbandman prunes away the harmful growth, so that the fruit may be richer and more abundant.

God desires to manifest through you the holiness, the benevolence, the compassion, of His own character. Yet the Savior does not bid the disciples labor to bear fruit. He tells them to abide in Him. "If ye abide in Me," He says, "and my words abide in ye, you shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you." It is through the word that Christ abides in His followers. This is the same vital union that is represented by eating His flesh and drinking His blood. The words of Christ are spirit and life. Receiving them, you receive the life of the Vine. You live "by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God." Matthew 4:4. The life of Christ in you produces the same fruit as in Him. Living in Christ, adhering to Christ, supported by Christ, drawing nourishment from Christ, your bear fruit after the similitude of Christ."

Being Alone - A Time For Renewal
Oswald Chambers gave me such inspiration in my time of loneliness, that I just have to share it with you. I never realized that my life was so crowded with things and people that God couldn't teach me anything. Please take a moment to read this section from his book, My Utmost For His Highest, the devotional for 13 January: "When God get us alone through suffering, heartbreak, temptation, disappointment, sickness, or by thwarted desires, a broken friendship, or a new friendship --when He get us absolutely alone, and we are totally speechless, unable to ask even one question, then He begins to teach us . . . There are vast areas of stubbornness and ignorance the Holy Spirit has to reveal in each of us, but it can only be done when Jesus gets us alone. Are we alone with Him now? Or are we more concerned with our own ideas, friendships, and cares for our bodies? Jesus cannot teach us anything until we quiet all our intellectual questions and get alone with Him."

Now, I have turned my time alone from initially "breaking" me, to now "making" a whole new life for God and I. I now build my whole life around God, and not around the things that can so easily let me down. I believe, that toward the time of the end, God, in His great love, will slowly remove all the things that people build their lives around to gain happiness and contentment. Like the rich young ruler that came to Jesus. He was doing everything that society and the church expected of Him to do. From the outside he was seen as a saved and a really good person. But Jesus saw that his life wasn't built around God. He saw one thing that gave him happiness above God. His riches. So Jesus gently touched on that area of his life . . . but he turned away in disappointment because he just couldn't let go of that one thing.  (Mark 10:17-22).

Jesus says to us in Matthew 10:37, that "anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take up his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." I believe the rich young ruler's "cross" and his "life" were one and the same thing . . . his riches. For you and me it could be loneliness, it could be a relationship, it could be a job, or it could be a sport, it could be a "cherished" or "secret sin," or it could be a home and a family . . . whatever it is, it has to be laid on the altar before God. We just need to come alone before God and say, "God, teach me to be alone with you . . . teach me to lay my "cross" and my "life" as a sacrifice on your altar, and offer it up to you without a question."

In conclusion, read the February 6 devotional from Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest:
"Are you ready to be poured out as an offering? It is an act of you will, not your emotions. Tell God your are ready to be offered as a sacrifice for Him. Then accept the consequences as they come, without any complaints, in spite of what God may send your way. God sends you through a crisis in private, where no other person can help you. From the outside your life may appear to be the same, but the difference is taking place in your will. Once you have experienced the crisis in your will, you will take no thought of the cost when it begins to affect you externally. If you don't deal with God on the level of your will first, the result will be only to arouse sympathy for yourself.

"Bind the sacrifice with cords to the horns of the altar." (Psalm 118:27). You must be willing to be placed on the altar and go through the fire; willing to experience what the altar represents--burning, purification, and separation for only one purpose--the elimination of every desire and affection not ground in or directed toward God. But you don't eliminate it, God does. You "bind the sacrifice . . . to the horns of the altar" and see to it that you don't wallow in self-pity once the fire begins. After you have gone through the fire, there will be nothing that will be able to trouble or depress you. When another crisis arises, you will realize that things cannot touch you as they used to do. What fire lies ahead in your life?" [Click here for more inspirational articles by Oswald Chambers]

Tell God you are ready to be poured out as an offering, and God will prove Himself to be all you ever dreamed He would be."

Thanks for taking the time to read through this letter. God be with you. I will pray for you.

With God's love and care - your "abiding" friend,

André