If you and your partner can't learn to solve your differences, you won't have a good relationship because it will be riddled with conflict an confrontation. Wrong! The myth is that couples can't be happy if they cannot resolve their serious disagreements. I have seen few if any genuine relationship conflicts ever get resolved. Some simple, everyday "no-brainers" get resolves, but most of the key issues that create real conflict within a relationship never get resolved.

Reflect back on your relationship. There are things that you and your partner disagree about, have always disagreed about and will always disagree about. Maybe the disagreement is about sex, the way to raise or discipline the children, how to allocate money, how to show affection. You will not resolve them because they cannot be resolved without one of you sacrificing your true beliefs or breaking from your core of consciousness.

Some couples, because they cannot agree on a core issue, interpret that lack of agreement as a purely personal rejection, and they stay bent out of shape about it forevermore. Because they are believing the myth that they should be great problem-solvers to have a happy marriage, they carry that emotional paid forward and my well start telling themselves that there's something wrong with the relationship - which is in fact just fine.

Other couples - healthier couples, in my opinion - simply agree to disagree. They don't let the arguments get too personal, nor do they resort to insults or counterattacks because they feel so frustrated. Realistic partners achieve what psychologists call "emotional closure". They don't achieve closure on the issue, but they do achieve closure on the emotions. They give themselves permission to disagree without having to declare that one party is right and the other party is wrong. They decide to reconnect at a feeling level rather than disconnect at an issue level.

Efforts to reconnect give you a much more rewarding outcome that vainly trying to lead a life together devoid of conflict.