ftquest

THE FIVE TOUGH QUESTIONS

These are five very difficult questions that you need to ask yourself to see just how close you are to that danger line that we talked about earlier. Just how dark are your feelings about your relationship, and just how negatively do you think about yourself and your partner? Under no circumstances should you share these answers with your partner. As you're going to learn later on in this book, we tend to over exaggerate our negative feelings when we get in disappointing situations, and we forget to emphasize our positive feelings. But for now, let's get it all out - and get it into your journal. Have the courage to be honest here, even if it is scary to admit certain things through your answers. The only thing worse than having a relationship in trouble is to have a relationship in trouble and be in denial about it. As is the case with so many problems, early and appropriate intervention can be the key to the ultimate outcome.

Considering that at least one definition of love is that the security and well-being of your partner is as significant to you as your own security and well-being, then would you say that, based on results, you behave in a way that reflects that you are in love with your partner? Why?

Using that same definition, is your partner in love with you? Why?

Knowing what you now do about your relationship, would you still get involved with the same person if you had to do it all over again? Why?

When comparing yourself to other people in relationships, do you feel that you have been cheated or have settled too cheap? Why?

If you could break off your relationship or get a divorce from your partner right now without any inconvenience, legal costs, or embarrassment, without any undue hardship or your children (if you have any), would you do it? Why?

I know that dealing with these issues is not a lot of fun, but having done it, you have taken an important step in getting this relationship out of the ditch. By getting real about your relationship, yourself, and your partner, you have identified some dangerous and powerfully destructive forces in your life that you must now contend with. I want to know whether you are in this relationship because you really want to be, or if you are in it today simply beaus you were in it yesterday. Spending your life with someone because it's just easier not to change is no basis for a healthy relationship - and if you feel this way, then you've got some work to do. But at least you're recognizing and acknowledging how you feel. I am convinced you can deal with anything as long as you know what it is. You know what you have to contend with so you can martial your resources and get up for it. Delusion is no solution.

I suspect that you have never been as brutally honest about yourself, your feelings, and your relationship as you are being now. As a result, I strongly suspect that you may be meeting yourself, and thus your partner's partner, for the first time ever. You could be having mixed emotions right now, but please, don't get down on yourself here. If you have emerged from these tests thinking, "Whoa, my relationship is far, far worse than I thought," just hold on and keep reading. As I told you at the start of this book, you have been given so much misinformation that it's amazing that you have maintained any kind of relationship at all. I want you to get excited about getting real with yourself. You are about to make a huge U-turn in your relationship.

[CHAPTER 1]

[CHAPTER 3]

[EMERGENCY ROOM]

[GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE]

[FACING A BREAKUP]

[HOME]