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A Healthy Perspective 

I trust you are growing through your daily life experience and
finding a greater capacity for kindness towards yourself and
others. There's no better sign of a satisfying life than the
increased ability to love.

This week I want to talk to you about the painful consequences that result when we separate ourselves from Reality and how to begin to bring ourselves back into alignment with it.

As I start this piece, I am reminded of a message I saw once on a church billboard. It said, "If you feel distant from God, guess who moved?"

The insinuation is clear. Any distance we feel between us and God is self-generated. We are always the ones who separate ourselves -from ourselves, others and from Source - by blindly believing the painful stories we think. When we hold beliefs that tell us we can't expect to be loved, healthy or prosperous, we create feelings of separation between ourselves and the world.

For example, if I believe you don't care about me, I will
automatically behave in less loving ways towards you. In return,
you are likely to respond to me in a way that proves me right! I
have alienated myself from you with my belief about you.

Early in our relationship, I used to go to the movie with my
husband, Daniel, and instead of paying attention to the movie, I'd listen to the unhappy stories that were running in my head about my husband.

For example, I might be thinking:

I wish Daniel would hold my hand. He never holds my hand. He just doesn't care about me the way I need him to. I feel so unimportant to him. If he   really loved me, he would reach for my hand, or put his arm around me. Why can't he be like that man over there who has his arm around his wife? I wish my husband loved me the way other men love their mates ....

And then after the movie, on the drive home, I might say to Daniel:

You know I noticed that guy in front of us had his arm around his
woman ... why don't you ever reach for me like that?

What do you think Daniel was thinking in that moment?
Probably something like: Oh man, here we go again! I can't ever get it right with her!

Do you think he felt more, or less desire for intimacy with me at
that point?

Today our movie dates are very different (and much more fun!). The shift happened when I realized that it was my painful story about him that was causing my misery, and not what he was doing or not doing for me. I came to see how unkind I was being towards myself by empowering such painful thoughts about the man I love. I made the decision to intervene on such negative thoughts.

Now days, when I catch myself believing unhappy thoughts about Daniel, or anyone, I stop; I notice the emotional energy I'm generating for myself with my thoughts and I change my mental focus. Instead of going deeper into how wrong I think something is, I look instead for why I need to experience the situation as it is. In other words, I line up with Reality. It is what it is, so it must need to be what it is.

I recommend trying these principles out for yourself. The next time you are knee-deep in self-made misery: change your focus
to what is working well in the situation. Look for the message that is being presented. What is the lesson or growing opportunity inherent in the situation at hand? Look for that in you which is being mirrored by the situation. What needs your acknowledgment, attention, or refinement?

Go to your thoughts, where the real "problem" lies, where you can do something about your unhappiness, instead of re-living your habitual victim reaction.

Inside your mind is where the key to your peace lies. ALWAYS.

Lynne Forrest

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